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There was no way the Liverpool Captain was going to be found guilty in a Liverpool court. I’ll remember that tonight when I beat six shades out of the DJ if he doesn’t play the music I like, surely the judge will let me off too now that there is a precedent been set by Gerrard???

Surely there weren’t enough Everton fans on the jury??? Absolute madness, this verdict sends out a shocking message to young people. Oh well at least I’ll know what to do if Gerrard ever asks me to change a CD for him. I’ll throw three punches at him and claim I was defending myself because he raised his voice at me.

I’ll just make sure that the trial takes place in Manchester and that the good men and women of the jury are all United fans.

Omer Bhatti, Michael Jackson’s alleged 4th child is not human, as some reports have claimed; he is a product of EA Games’ popular and well-known Sims game.

Michael created Omer as a test when EA Games sent him The Sims 4, which is rumored to be the best Sims version, surpassing even the popularity of The Sims 1, 2 and 3. He – Michael, that is – initially wanted Omer to look like a mini version of himself, similar to Mini Me. Michael spent hours in front of his new Lenovo notebook trying to perfect Omer.

EA Games executives decline to say much about the circumstances leading to Michael’s death, and even less about how Omer had come to exist in our world. But a leaked source reveals that The Sims 4 will allow creations such as Omer to exist in conjunction with our dimension.

Michael had been an avid fan of The Sims and used to play the game nearly every day. He passed on this love of the game to Omer, who is rumored to have played it at the Michael Jackson memorial service, which had been held in Los Angeles.

This new evidence proves that Omer Bhatti need not opt for a DNA paternity test; we know his origins and teams of scientists and other experts are calling his house every day: they wish to examine him and subject him to a battery of tests.

One such test would determine whether he can go to the toilet of his own volition; another test would determine whether his features are as malleable as that of other Sims. The scientists would also examine his speech.

It is still uncertain when these tests would take place – Omer Bhatti’s Twitter profile leaves no clues.

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